This was good, except for the water bottle being branded, and I prefer to not have visible brands on my stuff.
The response was completely logical for me:
I covered the bottle with strips of white hockey tape, with as little overlap as I could.
Then I painted the bottle with acrylic paint, freehand, trying my best to color each strip one color.
Finally I glossed it with some of the gloss that my sister uses to make her masks shiny, though this step was not even really necessary.
I am happy with how the water bottle looks now, and it holds a pleasing amount of water, some time in the future I will actually measure how much water that is.